A day in the life of a Food Blogger

You wake up and have the internal struggle of having the worst hangover in the world and feeling the need to post a picture before 11 AM because if not people will wonder where the f*ck you are. (even though no one actually cares)

You finally get up because you didn’t even sleep between 9AM and 10:30 because you were thinking of what to take pictures of for the day.

“What fits my style but is also pretty enough for people to like?”

Who the hell took the last Advil.

theres cookie dough left over from the last creation and ice cream in the fridge so lets just make an ice cream sandwich.

Put it all together and set up the white background (which is actually just a 99 cent construction paper from Targét).

Holy sh*t the camera isn’t charged *Ice cream sandwich begins melting*.

*Sprints to phone*

*Wind blows over the white construction paper*

*ice cream sandwich sinks to one side and you grab it so it doesn’t fall but this gets your hand completely filled with ice cream so you have to run and wipe off your hand so you can take a picture*

The ice cream is a soup and the cookies were still too hot so they’re melted too. I could’ve really used the Advil.

Re-makes the ice cream sandwich. Which inevitably has the same fate as the last ice cream sandwich but you end up catching the exact moment everything is falling apart which everyone thinks was on purpose. When things are dripping everywhere and falling apart on Instagram, theres a food blogger screaming obscenities and shedding a tear on the other side of the phone.

*Puts picture of Instagram* *5 likes in 10 Minutes* and usually some rude comment comparing my food to feces…..DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH?

Im never cooking ever again and sticking to pictures of restaurant dishes

At a restaurant ordering a $34 dish of live sea urchin sashimi.

*Dish comes and you slap everyones hand who even thinks of touching it before you take a picture* *UGH’s all around* They are also mildly embarrassed of the 40 flashes coming from our table.

Okay you guys can eat it now.

Picture goes up on Instagram. Instantly I’ve got:

1 “What is that” comment even though you wrote exactly what it was in the caption.

1 “Where?” comment even though its location is tagged.

And maybe 100 likes… ok.

I’m done

*Takes picture of $6 Five Guys burger*. 454 comments and 5,434 likes… really?…

Checks Instagram feed and sees a bunch of food ideas you wish you thought of.

5:30 PM- Where’s my wine?

Where the f*ck is the Advil?!

“So what am I doing for tomorrow?”